gyrating bhtch
Suddenly, and Without Warning |
Suddenly, and Without Warning (Part Two) |
Captain Flywheel Stageplay |
Merry Christmas, Bhtch |
Unstoppable Hose Truck |
Captain Flywheel and the Produce Section SCENE ONE A single light comes up on a MAN who walks on stage, listening to a portable radio. RADIO REPORT And now, WMMT news. In our top story, it looks like the Captain's done it again. That's right, folks. Captain Flywheel reportedly fixed Old Man Leon McFadden's riding mower this morning after it had stopped running last week. Eyewitness reports indicate that Flywheel drove up in a van from the Produce Section, the grocery store just down the road, got out, and knelt down by the mower. Five minutes later, the mower was running like new. The Captain drove off promptly in the van, declining interviews. No one seems to know why he was driving grocer Horace Dryer's van, but observers reported being sure he had a good reason. We'll be back after this... The radio crackles and stops working. The man hits it as the music starts. During the introduction, the lights come up on the stage, which is filled with broken appliances and machinery: a bicycle, a lawn mower, kitchen wares, a car, etc. TOWNSPEOPLE stand amidst the broken machinery. CAPTAIN FLYWHEEL, dressed in a ratty, patchwork costume which doesn't completely conceal his identity, alights on stage and, during the course of the song, fixes each broken machine. CAPTAIN FLYWHEEL ALL He can't jump over buildingsHe can't swim 'cross a stream But when something's broken He can hear the machine To contraptions he talks He can get in their brains And when one malfunctions He can feel its pain WOMAN #1 My blender's bustedWOMAN #2 My fan's on the fritzWOMAN #3 Iron's gone wrongBurned my waffles to a crisp ALL WOMEN When a machine is bustedThere's no need to fear He can always be trusted He will always appear ALL He can't jump over buildingsHe can't swim 'cross a stream But when something's broken He can hear the machine To contraptions he talks He can get in their brains And when one malfunctions He can feel its pain MAN #1 He fixed my bikeMAN #2 He fixed my carMAN #3 He fixed my radioHe sure is bizarre ALL MEN He's never failedHe'll forever succeed He'll always come through When a machine's in need Captain Flywheel leaves the stage during the musical interlude. MINDY COFFEY comes on stage, her hands clasped. MINDY (to townspeople) Did you see him? Did you see Captain Flywheel? MAN #1 Yes, Ma'am. Never thought my TV would work again. MINDY Isn't he wonderful? From the other side of the stage, NEIL STOVEY comes on stage with a sack thrown over his shoulder. He is a shifty-looking man with a strange neck. MAN #3 (to Neil) You just missed him. NEIL I'm sorry--just missed whom? WOMAN #3 Captain Flywheel. He was just here. NEIL (dripping with disdain) Captain Whatwheel? MAN #2 Captain Flywheel. He's the guy who makes the Maytag repairman sit on his ass. Heezuh Goddamn superhero. NEIL (even more disdain) Yes, right, well...could you direct me to some lodging? WOMAN #2 The Medlar's Bed and Breakfast is just up the road. NEIL Thank you, my dear. (hands her a business card) My card. Neil and Mindy exit the stage separately, but catch a glimpse of each other as they do. MAN#1 Who was that? WOMAN #2 (reads card) "Neil Stovey, Blender Vendor." ALL He can't jump over buildingsHe can't swim 'cross a stream But when something's broken He can hear the machine To contraptions he talks He can get in their brains And when one malfunctions He can feel its pain WOMAN #1 AND MAN #1 So look for that C-FScrawled over his heart WOMAN #2 AND MAN #2 Look for that capeThat's kind of falling apart WOMAN #3 AND MAN #3 Look for those tightsThat got him under arrest ALL As superheroes goCaptain Flywheel's the best. Blackout END SCENE ONE SCENE TWO The lights come up on a kitchen, consisting of a few cabinets, a small refrigerator, a toaster, and a microwave. Sitting on the counter near the toaster are several pots and pans, as well as a coffee mug. HORACE DRYER shuffles on stage, dressed in a robe, and begins to prepare breakfast. He takes a loaf of bread from the cabinet and pops two slices into the toaster. He opens the refrigerator and takes from it eggs, a slab of bacon, and ready-to-fry hash browns. He cracks two eggs into a large glass bowl, then peels two strips of bacon from the slab, and puts them in the bowl. Next, he dumps some hash browns into the same bowl; then, finally, he takes a hesitant sip of coffee, winces at the taste, and pours the contents into the bowl. He puts the bowl into the microwave, closes the door, and hits the "start" button. Turning back to the toaster, he notices that the toaster is not working. Quickly, he darts off stage, and re-emerges a moment later donning the Captain Flywheel costume. The music starts as Captain Flywheel kneels by the toaster. POTATO ENVY HORACE What's the bother, dear?Where have I gone wrong with you? Your toast has always been so warm Now something in you's gone askew You can talk to me The Captain can sense your troubles Now don't you worry, it can't make toast So help rid me of my stomach's rumbles A THREE-WOMAN CHORUS assembles on stage. They emphasize Horace's actions and augment Horace's empathy towards the toaster, but go unnoticed by Horace. HORACE AND CHORUS The future may seem frighteningBut tomorrow's not so grave Though it makes a fine potato You'll never be replaced by a microwave HORACE Every person and appliance, tooHas his lot in life, it's true As a grocer, one thing i've found You can't start over, fresh and new So take the hand you're dealt And be the best as a toaster As I have stayed for many-a-year A small-time, miscast grocer HORACE AND CHORUS The future may seem frighteningBut tomorrow's not so grave Though it makes a fine potato You'll never be replaced by a microwave During the musical interlude, Captain Flywheel summons all his other-worldly powers, bringing lightning and wind, and directs it towards the toaster. The chorus moves through the alive ether, helping Captain Flywheel harness his energies. Finally, Horace is done. The toast pops up. Blackout END SCENE TWO SCENE THREE The lights come up half-way. Mindy is in her convenience store, The Caucasian Chicken, wiping down the counter. On the counter is an abacus and a cash box. Her store is stocked with, among other things, candy and soda. In one corner is a grandfather clock--attached to it via jumper cables is a sack of potatoes. Neil slithers across the stage with a sack thrown over his shoulder, his three henchmen in tow. ALL THUMBS NEIL This small town's the perfect placeTo venge that fruit cast at my face When my blenders all embrace My circus past I shall erase! Neil and his henchmen exit. The lights come all the way up. MINDY Appliances are the most wonderful thingsAll of those bells and whistles and rings But at my touch they just fall apart A plight that's led to my unsettled heart The bell rings and a CUSTOMER enters the store, and begins to browse the aisles. Sure, I guess everything's okayA convenience store selling candy and pop The work's not bad and so's the pay But I'd rather work in an appliance shop It's been this way since I was young I broke all my toys, which wasn't much fun Wherever I go, this hex always comes With every machine, I'm simply all thumbs Sure, I guess everything's okay A convenience store selling candy and pop The work's not bad and so's the pay But I'd rather work in an appliance shop Mindy rings the customer up on her abacus, and the customer leaves. What keeps a glimmer of light each dayThat Captain Flywheel might take me away With his Flywheel strength in his Flywheel arms To me and machines he has limitless charms. Mindy checks her grandfather clock and sees that it's stopped. She disconnects the jumper cables. Horace comes on stage and sits in his store. He examines his vegetables. MINDY Oh! My clock's stopped! I'll need some potatoesThe Produce Section's are grown in Barbados Harvey? Harlan? What's that guy's name? Horace! That's it? He's cute but so plain. Sure, I guess everything's okay A convenience store selling candy and pop The work's not bad and so's the pay But I'd rather work in an appliance shop Mindy saunters over to Horace's grocery store, which is in mild disarray. Mediocre vegetables and fruits dot his produce stand, and the remainder of his store is stocked in an equally poor fashion. A coat-rack stands in the corner of his store, with his Captain Flywheel costume hanging neatly from it. Mindy smiles at Horace when she enters, and begins to browse through the store. Horace timidly follows her from a safe distance, watching her with guarded desire. Horace's chorus again assembles on stage. They emphasize the confidence of Horace's words, not the shyness of his actions. CANDY BAR CHORUS Well I'm sittin' in my storeLookin' over my greens When 'cross the street comes a woman Prettiest thing I've ever seen She comes from dat Caucasian Chicken Where she runs da whole shop CHORUS MEMBER #1 She got her eyes on a sack of potatoesTo run her potato grandfather clock HORACE Lord, you should see my womanShe got a soft brown hair Lord, here comes my woman Struttin' from her convenience store Take a good look at my woman Take the wrapper off your candy bar Mindy occasionally looks over her shoulder at Horace. Horace, dreading discovery, turns away, pretending to tend to the store. CHORUS You see, she's hella no good with machinesSeems to break 'em alla time She got herself a simple timepiece--runs on veggies I sell her the whole sack for a dime She and I, we both like appliances She wants a store of her very own CHORUS MEMBER #2 I'm gonna make that dream come trueSo that we never, ever have to be alone HORACE Lord, you should see my womanShe got a soft brown hair Lord, here comes my woman Struttin' from her convenience store Take a good look at my woman Take the wrapper off your candy bar HORACE AND CHORUS Can't stop lookin' at my womanThough she hardly knows I'm alive Can't stop lookin' at my woman Cute white hen blouse, big cheese-eatin' thighs She worships Captain Flywheel Wants to be his girl If I could only tell her I could rule her world HORACE Lord, you should see my womanShe got a soft brown hair Lord, here comes my woman Struttin' from her convenience store Take a good look at my woman Take the wrapper off your candy bar Mindy finds her sack of potatoes and Horace rings her up. Mindy gives Horace a dime, and leaves with the sack. Horace's chorus ducks down behind Horace's counter. An egg-timer, labeled in weeks, goes off in Horace's store. Horace snaps to a realization, and runs off stage. As the next song starts, Horace comes on stage carrying a bushel of huge vegetables. He arranges the vegetables on his produce stand, then puts up a sign which reads "Produce or Else". During the first verse, Horace's chorus reappear as vegetables, "growing" from behind the vegetables on Horace's produce stand. Horace does not discern them as being different from the other vegetables. PRODUCE OR ELSE HORACE I have borneSuch wondrous corn Look at these carrots With so many merits Bigger than a bunion Is this onion Picking these peppers There's clearly none better HORACE AND CHORUS This grocery store was failing fastBut now with these, it has to last Perfect vegetables will fill my shelves No one can resist "Produce or Else" HORACE The patrons will chantFor my eggplant And my sprouts Will bring screams and shouts By bus and ship They'll come for my parsnip With this endive I will survive HORACE AND CHORUS This grocery store was failing fastBut now with these, it has to last Perfect vegetables will fill my shelves No one can resist "Produce or Else" During the musical interlude, Horace scurries around town, passing out fliers about his wonderful new promotion, "Produce or Else". CHORUS (during solo) AHH....Horace stands proudly by his produce stand, awaiting the expected throng of patrons. But nobody comes. HORACE AND CHORUS Produce or elseProduce or else Produce or else Produce or else Produce or else Produce or else It happened again Nobody came Nobody came. A tumbleweed rolls across the stage. Horace slumps down by his produce stand. Mindy comes into her store, and installs her potatoes into her grandfather clock. The clock starts. As she sets it, Neil and his henchmen enter the store. NEIL Excuse me, Miss. Are you the manager of this establishment? Then, may I have a word with you? During the song, Neil and his henchmen become more and more aggressive, and succeed in intimidating Mindy. BLENDER VENDOR NEIL Madame, may I introduce this humble man before youA man named Neil Stovey who would ask to use this store you Manage in your very own idiomatic way I've something for you today NEIL'S CHORUS To set up my wares here in your storeTo set up my blenders by the score To set up your patrons for miles and miles To set up vegetables for their demise NEIL What is this? You may suspectThis surplus skin around my neck Well, never mind that, my dear You see this is your lucky year Blender Vendor's my nom de guerre And I'll use your store to vend my wares A demonstration is what it is blender exhibits are my biz NEIL'S CHORUS To set up my wares here in your storeTo set up my blenders by the score To set up your patrons for miles and miles To set up vegetables for their demise NEIL Then I'll grind--grind--cucumbers and peas,Grind--grind--potatoes, beets and leeks Puree--liquefy--all the greens that I can see And put to death my past with freaks Neil and his henchmen surround Mindy tightly and force a fearful nod of permission. NEIL So come tomorrow, when the sun is at it's hottestI shall return with my show, ever so modest And thank you, young Miss Coffey, for giving me your time Now, get back to business, and i'll get to mine NEIL'S CHORUS To set up my wares here in your storeTo set up my blenders by the score To set up your patrons for miles and miles To set up vegetables for their demise Neil and his chorus exit. Mindy is exhausted from fear, and goes offstage into the back of her store. Horace is still slumped by his produce stand. The three vegetables come out from behind the produce stand. FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS HORACE Such chances should not be takenBy such a pathetic kind of a man Each attempt, no matter the effort Rivals the last in absolute vanity But despite my success at my failure The point is irrelevant to it all A grocer cannot be full of joy When his whole heart is otherwise VEGETABLE #1 Your limits are ruled by confidenceYour lack of trust within yourself Rampant humility has crushed your spirit And soon to follow will be your health Horace jumps to his feet, surprised by the singing and dancing vegetables. ALL VEGETABLES Follow you dreams! be true to yourself!Let your conscience be your guide! There is nothing that you can't do Without that ragged, musty hide The vegetables gesture at Horace's Captain Flywheel costume. HORACE Holy asparagus! vegetables who talk!Though what you say is hardly true Without my garb my fix-it trick I've tried until my face is blue VEGETABLE #2 If you follow this adviceYour life will change and be quite lofty And with some luck and confidence May come the love of mindy coffey ALL VEGETABLES Follow you dreams! be true to yourself!Let your conscience be your guide! There is nothing that you can't do Without that ragged, musty hide The vegetables dance around Horace, confusing
him. As they do, they remove the Captain Flywheel costume from the coat-rack
and hide all the pieces of it on their "persons." HORACE I cannot believe what I hearBeyond my surprise at the source But really, I don't want to change I'm used to living with great remorse VEGETABLE #3 A grocer you are most certainly not"Produce or else" was sure to fail But your fix-it shop would be a success For miles they'd come to your year-round sale ALL VEGETABLES Follow you dreams! be true to yourself!Let your conscience be your guide! There is nothing that you can't do Without that ragged, musty hide The vegetables continue to dance, and finally entice the reluctant grocer to join in the fun. HORACE I'd like to be what you've prescribedIn your manner so verbose It does seem odd, you must admit To take advice from cellulose ALL VEGETABLES Follow you dreams! be true to yourself!Let your conscience be your guide! There is nothing that you can't do Without that ragged, musty hide After the final chorus, the vegetables return to the produce stand. Neil and his Chorus enter Horace's store. NEIL Good day, my good man. I'd like to buy some vegetables. HORACE Vegetables? Uh... During the following song, Neil's chorus surrounds and circles the vegetables, who cast wary eyes at their counterparts, but move in no other way. Horace and Neil remain oblivious to this action. NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT NEIL My friend, you look suspiciousAll that I've come to do is Buy some of your lovely greens So I can chop them in my machines HORACE I don't know what your plans entailAnd I'm not out to make you fail You can plead with me to no avail 'cause they're not even a little for sale NEIL All things are bought and soldI'll pay no mind to what you've told Your store will not do well When its stock you refuse to sell HORACE It seems your scheme you need to veilAnd I'm not out to make you fail You can plead with me to no avail 'cause they're not even a little for sale NEIL My friend, what have I done?That you should all my wishes shun My enterprise demands produce And you refuse to let them loose HORACE I know your business and your taleAnd I'm not out to make you fail You can plead with me to no avail 'cause they're not even a little for sale. NEIL You will rue the day that you crossed me, my friend. Neil leaves, followed by his henchmen. HORACE Rue the day? Horace, his confidence buoyed by the fact that he fended off Neil, looks across the street and sees Mindy sitting behind the counter of the Caucasian Chicken. The music begins, and Horace straightens his clothes, combs his hair, and gets himself ready. He strides out of his store and across the street. As Horace leaves, the vegetables high-leaf one another. Horace throws open the door to the Caucasian Chicken, and begins singing immediately. DATE AND A BREAK-IN HORACE Mindy, I've come here to the Caucasian ChickenTo ask you a question that's been stickin' In my throat, so baby please don't say no Would you like to go to a dinner and a show? Go out with me; to Paris or to Rome Go out with me; or maybe just stay home Mindy meets Horace's advances with coy interest. MINDY Horace, don't think that I don't like youHorace, it's not that I don't want to But you see, I've got a lot of work Please don't think that I'm a jerk HORACE Go out with me; I got tickets to the BullssssGo out with me; the art museum's close At each musical interlude, Mindy considers Horace's proposal. MINDY Horace, you're a really nice guyHorace, it's so cute of you to try But I still have a lot of work I hope you don't think that I'm a jerk HORACE Go out with me; expensive meal or cheapGo out with me; would the pyramids be neat? MINDY Horace, I appreciate the thoughtBut I really don't think I ought I've just got all this work I'm not trying to be a jerk HORACE Go out with me; to appliance stores aroundGo out with me; we'll tour every one in town MINDY Horace, I would love toLove to go out with you Horace and Mindy go off stage. Neil and his henchmen enter the grocery store. Neil has a large empty sack thrown over his shoulder. NEIL Anyone about? No? Hell yeah!Neil begins shoving vegetables into the sack. Neil's henchmen descend on the vegetable chorus. The vegetables, unable to put up a fight, cower in fear and attempt to avoid capture, but are easily overtaken. They are quickly bound and gagged by Neil's henchmen. NEIL Well my name is Neil and I'm stealin' this cucumberTomato, this apple, and even them prunes On homeboy's damn produce I'm gonna do a number When I grind 'em, puree 'em, and pound 'em into juice NEIL'S HENCHMEN Yeah!NEIL No one, but no one's gonna stop my demonstrationIn the lettuce, the berries, the guavas and the peas Motherfucker, I got to, got to vent all my frustration The sale of my blender's gonna spread like a disease NEIL'S HENCHMEN HELL YEAH!NEIL In and out the store, 'cause I prowl like a thiefGot the veggies in a sack, on my back, goin' out the door Take these damn greens and grind 'em in belief That my super-demo floor show will help me be adored. Neil and his henchmen take the vegetables off stage. Horace and Mindy return from their date. They stop outside Horace's store. MINDY Gee, that was fun. HORACE Uh...can we do this again sometime? MINDY Sure, Horace. I'll see you tomorrow. Mindy goes into her store. Elated, Horace watches her walk back to the Caucasian Chicken, and then floats back into his store. Horace opens the door and is stunned to find his vegetables gone. Aghast, he darts for the coat-rack, assuming he can turn into Captain Flywheel, but he stops dead in his tracks when he sees the costume is gone as well. At wit's end, Horace lets out a MORTIFIED SCREAM. As Horace sings, Neil and his henchmen set up their display at the Caucasian Chicken. Shrouded in shadow, they bring on their blender and the vegetables. Mindy stands at the back of her store, nervous. HORACE'S LAMENT HORACE Oh the horror of it allBut what can I possibly do? My costume must be at the cleaners And my powers won't work in lieu CHORUS (as Horace sings the verse) OOOH...HORACE Follow my dreams? be true to myself?Let my conscience be my guide? Between thoughts and actions is a divide CHORUS (as Horace sings the chorus) AAAH...HORACE For if my Flywheel suit were hereThe demonstration I could stop I could convince that Cuisineart Not to slice and dice and chop CHORUS (as Horace sings the verse) OOOH...HORACE Follow my dreams? be true to myself?Let my conscience be my guide? Between thoughts and actions is a divide CHORUS (as Horace sings the chorus) AAAH...HORACE My veggie friends are surely doomedThe demonstration their demise If I do nothing I'll have to live In some inverted paradise. CHORUS (as Horace sings the verse) OOOH...Horace, dejected, leaves the stage, and the lights come up on Neil's display. Neil leaps into the gathered throng and begins to orate. THE PITCH AND THE CATCH NEIL (spoken) Thank you, ladies and gentlemenFor coming out today To see my demonstration To hear what I have to say For what you are about to see Will both surprise and amaze My one-of-a-kind food machine Works in so many ways Horace comes into Mindy's store to watch the show. NEIL (spoken) Ahh, Horace Dryer from the grocerySo glad you could attend When what I've come to do is done You may have first taste, my friend Neil, his chorus, and the gathered crowd FREEZE. Horace and his vegetables do not. VEGETABLES Horace, go now, there's nothing to doSave yourself and grow us anew Sensible veggies are not such a find Don't let this weigh heavy on your mind HORACE You are my friends, trapped in this lairWatching you suffer is too much to bear I know I must act, I know what to do Stop this contraption 'fore it starts to chew I'll get in its brain, use my fix-it trick But with a twist, so it won't work a lick I know I can do it without that old hide I'll just let my conscience be my guide VEGETABLES No, Horace no, most certainly notIt's immoral to change its lot The machine's a machine--what it's chosen to be You can't change its will from a will which is free HORACE I hear what you say and I've paid you heedIf I had my choice, I'd much rather bleed I know that you're right, but I will not waver There is no use for a moral life saver Horace summons his energies and, in an abbreviated version of his earlier efforts on the toaster, "speaks" with the blender. Neil, his chorus, and the crowd BEGIN TO MOVE AGAIN. NEIL (spoken) Lend me your attentionAs I flip this switch to the right To show you my wondrous machine And bring all of its uses to light. Neil flips a switch on the blender, but it does not blend. Instead, the blender falls to pieces. As it falls apart, the vegetables are freed. The crowd leaves, laughing derisively. Neil looks crushed, stunned that his blender did not work. His henchmen surround and console him. As the music starts, they begin to disassemble and cart away the blender. Meanwhile, the vegetables crowd around Horace, congratulating him. THE REVELATION VEGETABLES Horace, your act has made us so proudYou used your powers in the midst of a crowd Though your path was not all that straight You've finally taken control of your fate HORACE I've never felt so happy and freeSo what if they know the Captain is me My dear vegetable friends, I can't thank you enough You've helped me overcome so much difficult stuff During the song, the vegetables put the Captain Flywheel costume back on the coat-rack, and then return to the produce stand. Mindy walks over to Horace. MINDY I can't believe what I just sawMy head is spinning in a whirlwind of awe All my conceptions are coming undone The two that I love really are one HORACE I've never felt so happy and freeSo what if they know the captain is me Mindy, my sweet, I'm so glad that you know I am much more than some ordinary joe ALL HORACE AND MINDY Everything can now begin anewAnd to our dreams we'll always be true I don't know why it took so long to see Our true salvation is in you and me. Neil, having finished carting away the blender, assumes center stage as the next song starts. Neil's henchmen help to illustrate and punctuate his story as he tells it. As Neil recounts his story, Horace and Mindy watch from the side with a gathering awe. GOITER MAN NEIL When I worked at the circus, you seeOutside the tent and the rings three I was the attraction that brought the CROWDS Come rain or shine--sun or clouds I was the headliner of the sideshow They'd come for miles to see my throat I was the Goiter Man, but now I'm Neil My checkered past I can no longer conceal As Goiter Man I ruled the freaks The crazies, the weirdos, and the geeks I nurtured my goiter both night and day Avoided iodine in every way I was the headliner of the sideshow They'd come for miles to see my throat But one day the crowds greeted me with jeers Threw veggies at my eyes, nose, and ears Someone slipped me iodine, it changed my physique My goiter went away within the space of a week Lichme The Clown--though he wouldn't tell us Or the Bearded Lady, who'd become quite Jealous I was the headliner of the sideshow They'd come for miles to see my throat And so I dedicated the rest of my life To put all vegetables under the knife. Neil collapses in a chair, exhausted from revealing the grisly details of his past. During the musical interlude, Horace changes his store from a grocery store to an appliance store. HORACE AND HIS CHORUS I've made a decision I'd like to announceI'm closing my grocery store for good For in it's place you will find The best appliance store in the hood HORACE Mindy, my dear, I'll ask for your aidPlease manage my store, as that is your trade MINDY Horace, I'd love to. Your idea is grandWith your fix-it skills we'll be in demand HORACE AND HIS CHORUS I've made a decision I'd like to announce;I'm closing my grocery store for ever AND EVER But I need someone to buy and sell Someone who is bright, quick, and clever HORACE We've a better salesman than Ron PopeilWho better to sell than our friend Neil Neil brightens and stands up upon hearing that Horace is inviting him into the fold. NEIL You respect my skills so I'll join your shopI no longer feel disdain for your crop HORACE AND HIS CHORUS I've made a decision I'd like to announce;I'm closing my grocery--bringing it to a stop And my Flywheel costume, IT will be hung In the front window of my shop HORACE And for my cellulose friends I will makeA refrigerator door that's clear, not opaque They'll stay on display inside the store So they'll be preserved forevermore. During the closing measures, Horace shows Mindy and Neil his new store, and they dance around it for joy, cementing their new-found friendship and partnership. Blackout END SCENE THREE RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Some years later, Horace's aunt came to pay him an unexpected visit. Seeing the wondrous vegetables, and the opportunity to further surprise Horace, she made a healthy batch of ratatouille. Neil went back for seconds.CURTAIN CALL THE PRODUCE SECTION ALL Many years ago just down the laneThere was a grocery store, it sure was lame The Produce Section is what it was called And its failure nearly made Horace bald I used to buy my groceries at his store Now I bring my broken appliances to his door C-F and the Produce Section it's called today Horace mends machines throughout the day Mindy Coffey makes the whole place appealing, While Neil's sales figures are through the ceiling I used to buy my groceries at his store Now I bring my broken appliances to his door next time you happen to be in town Be sure to drop by if you're around C-F and the Produce Section is quite a thrill I heard one guy came all the way from Brazil! I used to buy my groceries at his store Now I bring my broken appliances to his door Neil was once the Goiter Man The Caucasian Chicken wasn't in Mindy's plan Horace needed to follow his dreams Now they're all happy--or so it seems... I used to buy my groceries at his store Now I bring my broken appliances to his door. THE END. |
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