The Pudgy Jew Who Saved Christmas

It was one Christmas morning, not many years ago
The city had been covered with a blanket of fresh snow
It was a picture-postcard – as Christmas as could be
But something just wasn't right, I think you will agree

He woke up on that morning as happy as could be
He went into the bathroom because he had to pee
But his spirits quickly sank when he looked at his wife
Her look of grief and lonesomeness cut him like a knife

He's the pudgy Jew who saved Christmas; He really saved the day
The pudgy Jew who saved Christmas; His friends thought he was gay
The pudgy Jew who saved Christmas; An odd state of affairs
The pudgy Jew who saved Christmas; He's pudgy but he cares

She said, "Christmas is important, and you just can't understand.
I've worried about this day since I took you as my man.
I miss Faith and Larry, and mom and pappa, too."
Well, you too'd be sad if you spent Christmas with a pudgy Jew

And so he knew he had to act, but he didn't know what to do
He though about a Christmas tree, and gold and diamonds, too
But then an angel came to him – the solution clear to see
He got her drunk as hell, and put wrestling on TV!

Well, I'm sad to say in a short time their marriage came apart
They went their separate ways, and each got a fresh start
But legend tells that at her house, 'fore Christmas time has left
Both young and old drink too much and watch WWF

He's the pudgy Jew who saved Christmas; He really saved the day The pudgy Jew who saved Christmas; His friends thought he was gay The pudgy Jew who saved Christmas; An odd state of affairs The pudgy Jew who saved Christmas; He's pudgy… so pudgy… but he cares